I feel like being a little silly today… if you were hoping for something substantial, come back later. After watching the latest titans of the political arena dodge important issues and masterfully jab their opponents in the metaphorical nose with unimportant nonsense that was subsequently exalted as “great leadership” in the various opinionated media outlets. (I’m speaking of NPR and FOX News, therefore everyone can be equally mad at me.) The only point of sanity that I can draw from such a zealous display of “great leadership” that answers no questions but receives monumental applause for nonsense is to imagine what Pooh would do.
So… if Pooh were president there would be no lies. Not because Pooh is sanctified or holy, but simply because he is a “bear of very little brain.” Lying takes a great deal of creativity. Pooh would not be able to do it. Press conferences would consist of Pooh saying things such as, “I have an idea, though I don’t suppose it’s a very good one” and “I don’t suppose we could have a little break for … (smacks lips) honey?” His natural response to any national or political conflict or divisive issue would be to inspect all honey supplies and then distribute it as needed. Think of it, Health Care- have some honey. Taxes- Have some honey (the pages would then become too sticky for the auditors to look through resulting in a win for the citizens.) Social issues- everyone gets honey! It would be fantastic. Texas is acting up again- load on the honey! All problems then solved.
Now lets talk staff.
Secretary of Defense- Tigger! This would be perfect! Because his response for every situation is the same. Iran threatens to blow everything up, what do we do? “Gerrr…. Let’s Bounce ‘em!” Iran lays down all their arms and decides to become a true democracy, how do we respond? “WooHooHoo hoo! Let’s Bounce ‘em!”
Vice President- Eeyore.
This is for the soul purpose of comparison. Everyone in congress would seem SOOO happy! Eeyore would proclaim national days of mourning and rain cloud watching! We could even pretend that our senators and congressional leaders are actually happy and get along!
Secretary of education- Owl. Who better to establish what must be taught in public schools that the long-winded self proclaimed wise old Owl who can’t spell and makes up most of
Secretary of State- Piglet. Poor little Piglet… no country would ever take advantage of that little guy. If they did, the sec. of Defense would “Bounce ‘em!” and the world would call for shame! Besides, can’t be any worse than our current secretary.
Sec. of Agriculture- Rabbit. No sweat… he’d look after every garden as long as he can keep the secretary of homeland security from digging tunnels underneath everything.
Secretary of Homeland Security – Gopher! Perfect for the job, this work-aholic spends all his time digging tunnels that no one knows about and has the blue prints for EVERYTHING. I assume that is what homeland security spends it’s time doing…. Digging tunnels no one knows about.
Finally, Chief of Staff: Christopher Robin. Everything will be fine, because as we all know from watching West Wing, Rob Lowe actually ran the country, not the president. So it will be here. Christopher Robin will fix all of our probl
ems and at the end of each day we’ll take a candid photo of everyone around a table with a cake in the middle. (that’s how almost every Pooh ends.)